10.03.2004
cleanliness next to godliness? huh, i don't think so
No call from Sean. I'm sort of surprised, although not really. I've learned to expect him not to do anything responsible or honorable. So if part of me wanted him to call, part of me also knew he wouldn't. It's terrible to feel that way about someone.
Well, this week should be busy. My brother's coming down from Maine to visit with his wife, and one of my best friends from college is coming down with his girlfriend from medical school in Wisconsin. Lots of guests, not enough time.
6 more work days until my mini-vacation at the end of next week. I'm excited. I may drive up to Georgia to stay with my friend for a day or two. A drive will help me, I think. Getting out of town, out of my element. I don't like my element much lately.
I cleaned the apartment today, which I never do. Joe will be pleased, I bet. Although I'm sort of mad at him right now, too. Our rent is due today, and he was supposed to cash his paycheck and take it to my bank yesterday to deposit it so we've have enough money to pay the rent. Well, I went in his room today to vaccuum and found all his money. I'm not just assuming things, he doesn't just leave money laying around for no reason. So if I hadn't waited to pay the rest of the bills, I wouldn't have had enough money to cover rent until he can go deposit the money into my account. I mean, it's a matter of a day or two, at best, but the point is, if I hadn't had the money, I would have had to write a check without all the money being in my account already, which I hate doing. To Joe, it's no big deal as long as it all works out in the end, but I feel like he should be more forward-thinking when planning out bills and such. I'm the one who has to stress about paying them, he should be more considerate and try not to cause me even more stress. So I'm not sure if I should bring it up or drop it. I mean, this hasn't been a problem lately, but with the hurricanes he lost some pay due to the restaurant being closed, etc., so I know he's short this month. All I ask is that he tell me what's going on, and do what he says he's going to do, i.e. deposit the money in my account. I don't think that's too much to ask.
And then there's Sean. I wonder what he's thinking. I'm always wondering what he's thinking, because he never tells me. We don't talk. Arrgh, it's so frustrating. I mean, this is the first time I've never responded to a text-message of his. He has to realize that. That, and right at this very minute, he's probably sitting alone in the bar watching the wrestling pay per view. Or he left already because he didn't want to sit alone. Serves you right, sucker. Think about that before you come down my throat and don't call next time.
Actually, there will be no next time, but it felt good to say that last line, anyway. I hurt. All the time. When will I feel good again? Fuck Sean, I don't even care about that. I just need something good to care about. Otherwise my apartment will be very, very clean soon, and that's just depressing.
alannablue at 9:02 p.m.