09.09.2004
P r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
Went and took a friend to lunch today. She had neck surgery a while back, so she's holed up at home, recuperating. It was nice to see her. Yay.
Now sitting at home, listening to old mixed tapes and doing some laundry. Have to prepare for the next hurricane, Ivan the Terrible. Not sure if it's going to hit us yet, but I need clean socks anyway. Thought I'd make some CDs and send them to a friend back in Gainesville, too. But everything seems like so much work. Balancing my checkbook - postponed. Laundry - last minute. Should go to the store and pick up some food that doesn't require cooking in case our power goes out again, but damnit, can't get up the motivation to do that shit, either. I am one lazy motherfucker lately, I tell you what.
There are so many little things I want to do, but don't end up doing. Organizing my paperwork (I have like 5 boxes full of papers, some stuff organized, most not), cleaning my bathroom (I did sweep the floor, but that's it), decorating my room and unpacking some more stuff (which I did do some of last hurricane/weekend, yay me), burning CDs of all the stuff I have on our external drive (every time I do a few, I collect more - bad, bad courtney), go to the doctor (haven't had a female check up in a long time), go to the dentist (boy do I need a cleaning and some repairs). Such a long list that I never do any of it. Stupid, I know. Logical reasoning would say, attack one thing at a time, at a pace you can handle. Fuck that, though. It's hard to be an adult all the time and do everything I'm supposed to. I hope one day I'll grow up some more and just fucking do the shit I need to do, but for right now, I know I'm not. I feel guilty sometimes, almost like a brief hotflash, but then I'm over it and onto some other bad feeling, like depression or anxiety. Yay. I think I should go to my primary care physician, too, see about maybe getting something to help me chill the fuck out. Xanax, zoloft, something. That's kind of scary, too.
Too many little bugs buzzing. Try to swat them all away instead of killing them, doesn't do one damn bit of good. Stupid me.
Permanent markers smell good. Makes me giddy. Also gasoline. The way it smells when you walk into a mall, through a department store like Dillards. A guy's breath when he's had a couple of beers, especially if he smokes cigarettes, too.
Listening to: a mixed techno tape, mostly "Orbital"
alannablue at 4:45 p.m.