11.11.2004
benzo-die-what?
Saw that psychiatrist today. The experience was horrible, but fruitful (I hope). She was 35 minutes late (and did not acknowledge or apologize for it), was somewhat rude, and only saw me for about 20-25 minutes, then rushed out of the office like her ass was on fire. Other than that, she prescribed me Wellbutrin, which is apparently an appetite suppresant (which I told her I didn't need), an anti-depressant, and an aid to quit smoking. Well, I guess one out of three ain't bad (depression). I told her I was more concerned with anxiety and irritability and feeling out of control. She said to take the Wellbutrin for two weeks, and come back to see her, at which point she would assess how I was doing, and perhaps prescribe a benzodiazapin, which is like a zombie-maker type of drug. Great. So I took time off from work to come to her, and not only does she waste my time, but also makes me feel 10 times as anxious when I left! Good job, Dr.
Anyway, I talked to my therapist, and she was not happy about the way I was treated, but advised to take the Wellbutrin anyway. She said it might help. So I took the first one. Life is a series of first steps, right? Right. But I'm kind of scared. Of getting better, I think. I mean, I do pretty well for myself, even with my crushing depression and anxiety. What'll happen when I'm more stable internally? Yikes, I shudder to imagine. Maybe I'll actually clean my apartment, lose some weight, stop smoking, pay off some debt, get a kick-ass job, find a co-conspirator. The possibilities are endless.
Meanwhile, I'm researching both medications online and asking everyone I know about them. I want to get better, but not at the expense of doing something potentially harmful to my long-term well-being. So, we'll see. Gosh, I just took that pill and I feel a little jittery already. I wonder if it's psychosomatic or real. Things that make you go hmmm...
Listening to: Chemical Brothers album "Come With Us"
alannablue at 6:40 p.m.