11.25.2005
I'm Not Ok... I Promise
I'm not sure what to do this time. I've had periods in my life where things have totally sucked before, and I've been scratching up the walls to alleviate the boredom and blahness. But this time it's lasted a really long time and even my friends and family drive me up the wall. Not so much my family (well sometimes, and some people more than others), but one friend in particular. I can't even breathe he's up my ass so far - I think he's stealing the air from my lungs. I just feel like neither one of us can figure out what the fuck to do, so he just looks at me. I want to poke his eyes out. He does come up with suggestions sometimes, especially lately, to be fair. But nothing is helping. And I still want him to go away. For like, 6 months. Then I feel like I could take a big breath and relax. It's so wrong that I feel this way about my best friend. It's not even like I hate him or anything, and we're not fighting. I'm just so sick of him I could scream. I know I'm probably hurting his feelings (he's not dumb), and I just don't care. I keep hoping that he'll find a boyfriend so he'll spend the night elsewhere sometimes, or at least bring someone else over, that way we're not our only source of interaction/entertainment. Or that he had a hobby, a time-consuming one. Preferably away from the house, but I could deal with him being completely engrossed in something so he wouldn't ask me every night what we're doing. What should we watch? What do *you* want to watch? Okay, let's watch that, then. Are you smoking a cigarette? I want to smoke one, too. Oh, no, wait, no I don't. Why did I light this? I'm going back in the house. So what do you want to watch next? Oh, you don't want to watch anything? Well, what do you want to do then? You're not going to bed, are you? You are? Sigh. Okay. Goodnight. See you tomorrow night.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!
alannablue at 11:01 p.m.