11.11.2005
golem
Lately when I wake up in the morning, it's still dark.
I drive to work and though I type and pick out my lunch, I can't see.
I talk on the phone and in person, but for some reason, I'm not able to hear.
I wear the same shirt three times a week because I can't remember what I wore yesterday.
I wonder what people think about me, if they see anything when they look in my eyes.
Then I think about the fact that I hardly ever look anyone in the eyes anymore,
I don't smile at strangers in the hall,
and I don't do anything outside my comfort zone.
I have a fever and my head often throbs in time with my accelerated pulse.
I worry that I don't sleep enough, but I'm getting more rest than I have in years.
I lie to people all the time because I feel bad that I'm not getting better.
I've pushed everything I once cared about from inside to the brink of squeezing out through my skin, and I pause before I deliberately let each one drift away.
I wonder how long it will be until there's not enough left inside me to make up a real person anymore.
alannablue at 9:47 p.m.