04.17.2005
God, it's me, and you listened... thanks
I realized something today, something that's been bugging me for a few days. It's been evading my consciousness, trying to worm undetected through my psyche. But I caught it. I've been feeling uncomfortable lately with respect to my boyfriend. And I think it's because he's actually *good*. He says really sweet things, pays for many things (despite my insistent protesting that he let me pay more often), calls me frequently to tell me about his day and ask about mine, cares about me, and has dropped all his early bullshit about not wanting to commit or show weakness in front of others by being affectionate. So we hug, kiss, and cuddle in front of other people. Not flagrant displays, just normal stuff. But it all makes me so happy.
And that is what has been bothering me. It's been sooo long since I got the royal treatment from anyone that it's kind of hard to swallow. Sad, but true. I graduated from girlfriend to "significant other" and "better half" the other day. He's having a sushi night at his house in a few weeks with some of his friends from work and he wants them to meet me, etc. He's invited me twice to family functions of his, both of which I didn't have the guts to go to. Yet. I promised him that I'd go next time.
It's a startling revelation that someone might actually be living up to my expectations for a relationship. I kind of don't know what to do with myself. But, wow. So now I have to work on being okay with things being good. Hallelujah.
alannablue at 8:14 p.m.