08.22.2004
It's like 'Alien' in here
"I want someone who can accept me. All of me, you know? I like men, women, danger, throwing caution to the wind, being spontaneous. He isn't those things. Most of the time, I find that people don't want to accept changeable personalities, they just want to put others in boxes with labels and tuck them away in their brain as categorized. Well, fuck that. I don't want to fit in a box or be labeled. I just want to be whatever it is I want to be at the moment. And I want to find someone who can deal with that and who is like that themselves. Someone who can surprise me." -from my short story, currently in progress
I felt like garbage when I woke up, like I partied too hard last night, which I didn't. Yay for being a girl and all its wonderful privileges. Bastard pains. Sometimes I want to claw out my stomach. Speaking of which, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but it's still freaking me out. One of my scars from the surgery has one of the stitches poking out. The stitches are supposed to be the dissolving kind, and on the inside. And yet, there's one on the outside, definitely not dissolved. Makes me feel icky in my stomach.
I've created a castle around me. Friends, job, family, dates, music, movies, books. With a moat of conversation. Just try to climb your way out, I dare you. Then I'll start hurling my lightning bolts of logic at you, raining on your head with my tears. Get used to it. Cut through it. Persist. Through the 9 circles of hell, you'll find me, sitting in a wooden chair in an otherwise empty room, looking out the window.
alannablue at 4:55 p.m.