06.19.2007
Update for/from the weary
So I haven't written in 6 months. Let me tell you what's changed. It seems like everything. Let's see... started seeing Phil again under the guise of not-really-friends with benefits. Now I like him again, damnit. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Sigh. But you know, he's nice and it's really helped me get over the last time he broke my heart, even though that sounds really fucked up. That the person that hurts you can help you get over it 1.5 years later. Whatever. I stopped trying to figure out myself and Phil a long time ago.
Also, I finished my 6 month pre-surgery diet, started working out(cardio), stopped smoking and drinking coca cola, and started eating better. I went ahead and got the gastric bypass surgery done on May 23 of this year(two days before my birthday - yay!). I'm almost done recovering now, and in the last 6 months, I've lost 45 pounds already. I've got a ways to go, but I'm excited. I'm still working out, so I expect to see a vast improvement in my overall health in the next year or so.
Sometimes, I still can't believe it that I did all that in the last 6 months and got it all done, and now I'm on the other side of surgery. I still can't believe that soon, due to surgery and my best efforts at working out and eating well, I will actually lose weight instead of gaining. It's difficult to comprehend sometimes. I've gotten so used to being overweight; I'm not sure I know how to be any other way, you know? I'll have to relearn alot. I'm looking forward to it, though. Having different problems will be a blessing.
Around the time I quit smoking(beginning of March of this year), I quit talking to my mom, too. She was completely stressing me out and being so negative, I just couldn't imagine her being around during the surgery with all of that negativity. I'm a negative-enough person without her adding to it. So I told her I needed some time/space to sort out some stuff in my head. She fought with me about it for a long time(until just recently), saying I was shunning her, etc. She doesn't understand what I have a problem with about her, mostly because she doesn't want to hear it. I can understand that and sympathize with her, but on the other hand, I don't deserve to be made feel guilty if I don't live up to what she wants of me. Screw that. So we're not talking, and I honestly don't know if things will ever be right again. It makes me very sad that we can't work things out like adults, but then again, she's never been overly rational about relationships of any kind.
What else? Phil's in the Bahamas right now, teaching for the summer. Lucky bastard. That, and he left me alone right after my surgery! Not really, but I feel lonely. But I've started calling my friends again, now that I feel better. I start back to work tomorrow(joy of joys), which I'm half looking forward to because I want to get out of the house so badly. :)
I think that's everything going on right now. It seems like more from this end, because the emotional weight of these things is larger in life than in print. But you can probably imagine.
alannablue at 10:57 a.m.