09.20.2004
Rethinking my Choices of Late.
I realized something between last night and today. It's not a huge revelation, but important nonetheless. I realized I might be alone forever, or at least a really long time. The upside is, I can do whatever the fuck I want. If I want to move to Texas for a job, I can. If I want to write depressing stories in a cafe in Paris, I can. I can adopt a child, shave my head, never shave my legs, and play the bongos naked like Matthew McConnaughey.
Of course, I still have responsibilities and commitments, some I even enjoy keeping. Joe, my family, friends. Then there's the crap ones - paying bills, holding a job, etc. It just makes me feel better to realize that planning a life for just me isn't scary. In fact, it's kind of nice. I could take the time to go back to school and be a lawyer. I could chill and work some crap-ass jobs until I find something I like. I don't have to be anything or go anywhere that I don't want to. Yay!
Like I said, not a huge revelation, but still. I also acknowledge the fact that I may not feel this optimistic in a week, in a day, or hell, even in an hour. I'm actually starting to come off it already. So I'll probably revert back to the depression, loneliness, and despair. But at least I felt okay for a few hours. I'm grateful for the temporary reprieve.
Listening to: Rowan Atkinson's comedy bits
alannablue at 6:51 p.m.