09.12.2004
Nine and a Half Reasons Not to Go Out with Sean Tonight
Nine and a Half Reasons Not to Go Out with Sean Tonight:
1. I have to wake up at 5:30am tomorrow morning.
2. I'll miss watching the season finale of "Six Feet Under" with Joe.
3. I have to pay for my own dinner.
4. I spend the whole time being fake - interested in the minute details of his life without me, or pretending that I don't care that he doesn't ask me about the minute details of my life.
5. He loves to irritate me, but when he doesn't I feel like he doesn't like me anymore. It's fucked up.
6. I don't really even like wrestling, so going to a bar specifically to watch 3 hours of it seems incredibly desperate and stupid.
7. It's painful to see him because I go through this whole process of hating him, liking him, being irritated by him, excusing his behavior, and then start all over. I'm fucking sick of it but I can't help myself. It's a sickness, I know.
8. Doing the things we used to do is hard when our relationship is so painfully detached. It points out the disparity even more than if I never saw him.
9. He's still so damn cute.
9.5 I hate myself for loving him.
alannablue at 4:35 p.m.